Musings on Anxiety and Decision-Making
In today’s world, we are confronted with an overwhelming amount of information to seemingly help us make the “best,” or at least the “most informed,” decision possible regarding the choices we are faced with throughout pregnancy and postpartum. Lists of “must-haves” for each stage of baby’s development span to the end of the internet. Anyone who’s had a baby realizes that there are remarkably few “must-haves” in the early postpartum period and all the other “good-to-haves” are quite contingent upon your baby, your birth, and your postpartum circumstances, most of which are completely out of your control.
Unfortunately, in the throes of pregnancy and postpartum, it is nearly impossible to sift through all the information, while battling sleep deprivation, sore nipples, and the anxiety of whether your baby’s heart is still beating, in order to make “the best” decision about anything, including what to eat for lunch.
The thing about decisions is that one can never know whether a decision is “good” or “bad” or “right” or “wrong” before they make the decision.
The evaluation of a decision is based on the outcomes, and our perception of those outcomes.
For example, you may be thrilled to be offered a position with your dream organization- a goal you have been working toward for your entire career. However, six months into the job you come to find that your earlier perception of your role and the organization is not what you expected. With this new information, you are now faced with another decision- stay or leave? Perhaps your expectations of the company may not be met, but you now have greater benefits, such as increased flexibility or better healthcare, and now you can take better care of your family.
Was the decision to take this job “good” or “bad”?
Was it the “right” decision or the “wrong
decision?
All we can do is make decisions based on the information we currently have available. There are no guarantees for the future. In parenting, we are sold so much, too much, information. However, the decision to become a parent is not a “head” decision; it’s a “heart” decision. We must be selective about gathering information from sources we trust. We must learn to trust our intuitions, and use our voices, to make the decisions that feel right for us and our families at any given time, knowing that there are other times when different paths may be taken.
Through my own parenting experiences (hello, having a <2yo in March 2020!) and the work I’ve put in to heal past traumas and grapple with past decisions, I’m learning to trust my own heart, gut, and voice. When you work with me, you can rest assured that:
I am here to listen and hold space for your story, wherever you may be in your perinatal journey, no judgments.
The decisions you make are the right ones for your family, as you know yourself and your baby best.
I am here to validate your experiences and your choices, offering suggestions or strategies, based on my knowledge and experiences.
To the mom who’s reading this at 2am, playing scenes over and over in her head, wondering what more you could have or should have done, or just wondering why this is so hard,
know that you are Enough.
You have everything you need within yourself to be the best mother to your baby, and your baby is not expecting perfection. Parenting is a long game and a series of continuous decisions that need to be made. Do not burn yourself out evaluating the “goodness” of a decision before you make it. Have the confidence within yourself to know that if a decision is not right for your family, you have the strength within yourself to pivot and find the decision that feels better.
Let’s work together to do away with the unnecessary and unhelpful anxieties, judgments, stress, and pressures we pile on ourselves. Let’s work together to embrace a more relaxed, confident, and joy-filled motherhood experience, starting with ourselves, and expanding into our Villages.
